Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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