I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
