people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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