I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
