Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
