his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize