my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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