Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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