mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize