i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
