her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
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I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
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I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.