I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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