Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
