Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just had sex on a roof
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
