This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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