with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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