I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
