Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
