I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
