His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
