Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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