I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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