I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
