So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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