You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
