he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
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