Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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