god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
where are you?
Hypothermia
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
