Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
