yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
