He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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