I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
