I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Small penises have feelings too.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
