he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
