It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It's never too late to be topless.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
