I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
