i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
