I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
