We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
