So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
