I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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