mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
