This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he puts the penis in happiness.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
