Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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