probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
