once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
