Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
