how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
