oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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