didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
