I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
