My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
