It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
false alarm, still single
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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