u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
