I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
