did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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