Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
