I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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