this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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