Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
