Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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