i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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