how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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