the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
