Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
