He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
