Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
