This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
