She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
