worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he laminated a picture of his dick.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
