apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
