they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
