I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
