my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
