Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
