I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
