I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
